Venting- be warned, it's a lot of crap

So I haven’t been blogging in a while because first, not many read it and second, that’s just how life has been. I had to do it today though to vent and sort out my thoughts so anyone who reads it, be aware that this is all just gonna spill out of my head without much thought. So much is going on and I’m at wits end again. There’s been ups and downs but even the good things cause some stress. One good thing is YANKEES ARE IN THE WORLD SERIES!! It feels wrong without Torre there but they are still my boys! So go Yankees! I got to go to a Dodger game with a friend of mine which re-opened my love for the game. Most don’t like baseball but I totally love it. Don’t know what it is. I’d rather go to a baseball game than anything else. Now I just gotta get my husband into it. Speaking of my husband, we’ve been butting heads lately. I’m guessing I’m just taking things out on him but his stress at work comes through. He becomes more and more forgetful and when I’m trying to stay on top of things for school, I can’t keep reminding him of everything. We even forgot his mom’s birthday this year. How does that happen? But even with that, he has been an amazing support. You may know I stalk celebs and he’s always willing to come out with me even when he doesn’t want to. He even stayed outside of Cirque du Soleil and let me and my friend go in just so he could cover the outside. And he never even complained. He was so happy that I finally got to see the show as we’ve been trying for years but it’s so expensive. We got the tickets for free cause they had seats to fill. What else is there? School. I’ve got a year left and I am REALLY starting to feel the pressure. Pressure of clinics to come next semester (dreading), pressure to turn in paperwork, pressure to decide where to intern, pressure to start building those bridges, pressure that oh yeah, I need to be able to actually do this for real in a year, pressure to decide on ether a thesis, project, comprehensive exam… Too much to think about and even if I were able to take it one step at a time, I don’t know where to start. What else. Oh my very best friends grandpa passed away. Since I have known her my whole life, I’ve also known him so it’s really taking a toll on me. It’s probably for the best as we all know. He had Parkinson’s that he’s been suffering from for nearly a decade, heart attacks, strokes, swallowing problems. He was no longer able to take care of himself and they were about to put him into transitional care so we assume he just didn’t want that. I am just so sad that I didn’t get to see him one last time. I had intended to go visit him at thanksgiving to say hello. This man was such a wonderful man. Sweet man. Always made me feel so special. I only saw him a handful of time over the last few years but every time, he lit up with a smile. Last time, he gave me a kiss on the cheek. I hate that it’d been a year since I’ve seen him…to the day. I say that because he passed away on the first anniversary of her wedding to Shannon. Speaking of which, he had had some MAJOR health issues just a few weeks before her wedding and he pushed through that. Then a few months later she got pregnant and he made it to see his great grandson born. He was a champ. That day brings up another thing. I had a friend. She was one of my best friends for maybe 5 years. Then some stuff happened, words got twisted and she decided she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. I was one of her maids of honor and she was basically one of mine. We went through so much together and one day it was over. We were able to start fixing things between us which has been such a blessing. I like to know we are still ok. But she went and had a surprise wedding…and I wasn’t there. It breaks my heart thinking about where we were 2 years ago and where we are today. I always thought I would be at her wedding. I always thought I’d be there for all the special moments and now I’m not. I know all things happen for a reason but it’s been so hard to accept this fact. I’m thankful for her though even in the capacity it is at now. It does remind me of how alone I’ve been feeling lately. I have 3 friends from SLO that I still see somewhat regularly-as regularly as possible with us all spread out up and down the coast. I also have 3 friends from CSUN that I’m still friends with. We try to meet once a month to reconnect although it doesn’t always happen but we always keep in touch. Down here in LB, I don’t really have anyone like that. I made 2 friends who transferred here from Fullerton. Great girls but they came together so they have a bond so I’m basically the third wheel. But also, they have those personalities that keeps them very high strung when it comes to school. That’s all they think about so quite hard to just “hang out”. I need hang out time so I don’t’ go crazy. That’s why I stalk celebs. There’s nothing like the feeling of meeting sweethearts, getting that autograph or pics, then going home to watch them. It’s so cool! For me at least. But that’s the only thing I do. I have a Disneyland pass that rarely gets used cause people around me either don’t have a pass, don’t go very often or just don’t have the time. Oh not to mention that so many people around me are having their babies. I love it. I love having the babies to hold. Just got to spend time with my “nephew” and just hold him. It was so nice to just be able to hold the little guy. The Lord has blessed me with the fact that I know it’s not the time. I want one soooo bad but I am willing to accept that the time is still to come. This is not something I was willing to accept a year ago.hmm anything else? Oh I never get to see let alone hear from my sister. She’s way up in Oregon and always busy. I hate it. I miss my sister. I want to be able to see her more but neither of our schedules allow this. Can’t wait for December when I finally will see her. It’s been too long. Well I guess that’s it for now. Thanks for listening.