Wow, it's been a while. Well first things first, yeah failed majorly on all new years resolutions. I lost 4 pounds and gained back 3. I just can't get myself to change into the clothes and go out for a run, I hate the eliptical, and I need a tape to do the right moves for my new punching bag. I also still need something to protect my wrists. But I so want to start doing some more kick boxing as well.
In other news, I hate life. No not really. Gregg and I still haven't found a church we want to call our home and it's really starting to wear on me. After going to my parents church (which was good, but still had some issues I can't get past), I was reminded of how much I want to be fed. I want to get into a church. Problem is I really can't make a commitment to be involved. Most of you know that I'm into the celebrities. I used to be able to go 1-2 times a week. I'm down to 1-2 times a month which yes isn't the end of the world, but that along with never getting to SLO to see Sheryl, Shannon, Quinten and my grandma, I'm realizing how much shcool has taken over my life. And it's gonna be just as bad for the next year. Luckily, I am taking the summer off. I need a breather and a time to get my bearings to prepare for the praxis, my final project, and planning just for the future in general (where we want to live, when to have kids, planning for adoption etc.). My heart still aches watching Sheryl, Shannon and Quinten on my computer screen. I cherish the moments I get to spend with them whenever I get up there. More and more I appreciate my friendship with Sheryl. Then there's my sister. Today she tells me she's been thinking of her "maternal clock". SAY WHAT?? My sister wants to be married and have a child of her own OH and she finally is Starting to refer to herself as Lily's "sort of mom" lol. And she's graduating in June. So unbelievable and awesome and luckily I really like STeven and Lily so I can truly be happy for her. And speaking of graduation...my cousin Josh is graduating this June as well. This is one of my babies that I used to stay over at Grandmas' when they were in town just so I could get up in the middle of the night to give him his bottle. And now he's graduating. All of this just reminds me of how fast time is going by and how with school I feel like I can't enjoy it. I want to enjoy it. I miss seeing people I haven't seen in forever. A few years ago I would have up and gone to visit some of my dear friends and now I just have to keep putting it off. I'm sitting here in tears thinking of all the people I miss, all the people I wish I could go visit tomorrow, all the crap I have to get done in the next year, all the friends that have faded into the distance, and so on and so on. It's 1am right now and my brain is swirling. I thought that maybe if I just wrote it down it would help but I don't know if it is. I'm so overwhelmed with clinic right now. I feel like I don't have the energy to go on. I only have 4 1/2 weeks left which is such a short amount of time and I have to get two final reports and a freaking huge final project for my other class. This project is expected to be as big as a final grad project. And I'm supposed to do that in 41/2 weeks when I haven't learned didly squat in that class and I have no idea of what I need to do or what my topic will be. OY!! Anyways, I started out feeling stressed now i'm completely overwhelmed so I'm just gonna get a hug from gregg, take a sleeping pill, and hope to God he will wake me up on time and refreshed in the morning rather than stressed and totally overwhelmed as I usually am on MOndays and wednesdays. Thank God for giving me Katie, my partner for my Autism clinic. She's a God-send indeed. Just wish everyone in the program could be as awesome as she is. Ok, enough of this now. Thanks for anyone who dared to read all of this. Loves to all!
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3 comments:
I'm sorry everything sucks right now:( I don't know what to say except it won't last forever... even if it seems like it will.
Also don't beat yourself up about gaining back the weight you lost, its great that you were able to loose 4 pounds! Its HARD when you're busy:)If only we all had personal trainers and chefs and the time to utilize them right? Just don't give up.
Kickboxing? I didn't even know this. hehe As for a church, you can't really get the feel of a church on one visit. If you can find one that sort of feels okay, then go a few more times, maybe it will grow on you. I've made friends at Hope, so I feel like we finally did find something for us. I'll pray you can find something to feed you and Gregg. I have no ideas, though, of places close. I know you weren't thrilled with Grace Brethren, but that's where a lot of Grace people go - maybe you could find a small group to join. A thought.
First, let me just say how much I LOVE the picture of you and Gregg at Disneyland - wow!!
I miss you too, and wish that we had more time to stay connected. Phone calls? I can't believe I'm on here right now, I have sooo many things to be doing, but I'm glad I saw your post, cause you need some love.
Totally with you on being overwhelmed and watching life go by so quickly (obviously, for different reasons, but still) - shocking!
Are you spending time with the Lord? Take a minute or two each day to read some scripture and pray - that will help put everything in place; it really helps me.
Love you!!
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